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That's me behind the mask, spot me )

I'm Rebecca and I adores everything on Earth. :) Its easy, I love everything about art and music.
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"The best thing in life, is pain. For pain will make you realise what's the most important thing, you always have it with you."


Thursday, July 22, 2010, 7/22/2010 02:13:00 PM

What should I do right now? I'm so confused.
Some people gave me the support to go on, yet some others persuade me to give up.

Right now, I dont wish to think of any. Perhaps living without me, life is so much better for him. For a second, I feel like crying again, I knew I'm going to cry. But I force back the tears that's going to roll down.

You know guys, I dont need anymore help. All along, I keep on telling myself. It's going to be over soon.

Soon, everything will be back to the right track. Life still goes on, day still have to pass by. The earth are still spinning. the sun, moon and star are still hanging up the sky. Nothing is worst than end of the world I suppose.
Nothing really will change. I just have to get use of life, living without his presence. Just treat him as a shadow, treat him as my past, not my future anymore.
The more I hold onto hope, the more I'll get hurt.

Right now, I just wish to give him the best birthday that I can ever give, and after all these, I will walk away. I will leave him completely. Perhaps, I shouldn't text him anymore by then. Maybe he will think twice about me, or not even once.

I'm just a girl.
Monday, July 19, 2010, 7/19/2010 12:08:00 PM

I'd been a good girl yesterday. Headed home straight after having ice cream and packing Carl's junior dinner for family. This is the very first time I went home early after a half-year of hanging out late.

I knocked off at around 11pm after playing with hero. He's ubber happy when I came home early last night. He jumped and made some somersaults in the air that simply cheered my day up. :) he love it everytime when I carry him and use my hand to brush through his fur. Darn cute can?
I seriously need alot of rest and sleep for now. Complexion turns bad for me, and as well as my health. Have not yet recover from my cough though. It's been like a few months, since February till now. hahas. Not really sure what's up with my body system. It's been going haywire every now and then.

Ooo, and today was blardy hot and warm. the sun is so strong. Actually it somehow piss my day off, as I really hate sunny day. Too humid, it simply spoilt my mood. :(
Heavy and sleepy head. I need my spongey bed now! I need some pillow fights to cheer this humid day up.


Cant wait for the time to pass faster, I need to sleeeppppp. Yawn. or maybe I will be meeting Jiahui for some catch up and then head home straight. :)
Another day of rest day, and soon tomorrow will be my off! Hooray.
What should I do on my off day? uhmmm. Actually I just need a simple life.

Nearly. Just by a bit.
Sunday, July 18, 2010, 7/18/2010 02:40:00 PM

I learn to hold on to my tears . Ck called earlier on just now, asking me about hows life and things ,going this few days for me. Telling me that if there's anything I would like to share, I can always share with them. They will always be there for me.

My tears nearly dropped, its so close. but I manage to hold it back this time.
Never did I once hold my tears back before. Finally, I made it.

I told myself (starting from today) that everything will start all over again.
I shouldn't force things to be in my way, time will shape things out for us.
Let nature takes it course is what i learned after some things happened.
No one can change the past. but we can always look forward for our future. I look forward to it.

Meanwhile, I wish slower down my pace, and have a really simple life. Head home for family and Hero, having some online movies and dramas to watch, listen to my favourite bossa, Chit chat or supper with sister or friends nearby my house. :)

Learn to cherish the simplest life that one can have. So when, times get bad, you'll still love and cherish your life and get easily contented. Look things at a better side too.

It's abit tough and hard for me to get things on the track now, but Im working hard, and slowly. :) I believe i can do it, as I have people that adores me supporting me.

Forever shadows and nightmares.
Saturday, July 17, 2010, 7/17/2010 03:14:00 PM

Things have been seriously bad for me this time. Haven't been in touch with some friends recently. Not as frequent as before.

For those who know about this matter. Really thanks for the concern.
So pathetic to know that I'm so useless. All the supports and courages you guys gave, all of them went down the drain.

Finally, I'm out of his life. Till now, I still cant accept the fact that he leaves me , so heartlessly this time. He's ahead of me this time. and no more he will be there by me. As a friend, he said he would. but never be anything else more than that.

I broke down, I even kneeled down on the floor. and every now and then I think of him, I still cry like a big baby.

For those that cant accept the fact of me being so emotional, then I advice you guys not to visit my blog anymore. This blog, it consists of 30 percent of happiness but 70percent of sadness and fear.


No one can replace him in my heart, never will there be, never. Even, maybe one day down the road, I will find a guy that treat me really well and love me wholeheartly but still, the fact is that he's not him.

It's less than a month, probably 3 weeks. Everything changed rapidly without slowing down the pace.
Knowing that there's a girl in his mind right now, I dont know whether should I smile or cry.

I failed, everyone. I failed.
To Kinleong, Revonda, Meldon, Siying, Chloe, Daryl, Peggy.
I failed.

I hate the truth, that till an extend everyday I woke up, just like for this morning, I so wish that everything was just like a nightmare. Nothing really happen in real.

I looked into his eyes last night, I see his soul.
But its not the same anymore, this time I cant see myself inside his eyes. No more.
His eyes are so heartless and cold-blooded to me.

I've drawn a clear line with him now. Although my heart still have him around, perhap its time to bury him down in my heart. Secure it, and everytime when I miss him, I just flip through our memories. Maybe this will be a better way for us.

I wont be his friend, neither will I contact him nor know things about him.
Because he have left our world, its time for me to abandon it too. To somewhere farther than this place.

Was thinking whether should I leave for US. To start everything all anew and refresh.
Singapore, theres nothing for me to look forward anymore.

About friends.
Thursday, July 15, 2010, 7/15/2010 02:12:00 PM

One of the things that caught me unable to move on are friendship.

Remembered the time, we used to hang out so often, in a group. Thrice in a week. Clubbing, shopping, dining and alot more. Well, but see right now, time proved me everything.

People get easily tired of things, happy moments passed by faster than the moments when you are trapped alone inside.

People that's used to be close to you, drifts away from you. They are selfish, they dont think about how you feel, even if you care and feel for them. I should have care about people who love me, rather than friends that already long forgotten about your presence. Need you to fork out the effort to ask everyone of them out. It's so tired doing that. Someone can just f understand it?

Last words.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010, 7/14/2010 03:36:00 PM

If one day I'm gone, will somebody miss me? Will somebody cares something about me?Just feel that everything is so wrong. Remember the times, we had together, the laughters, the cries and the smile we always give each others. Remembering how I'm like, being a daughter, a sister, a friend or a girlfriend of someone else.
I laughed at myself.

I kicked a fuss at myself. Looking into the mirror, I saw a disfigured image of me.
I so much wanted to text someone that's close to me, and always there for me. Courage fails me.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010, 7/13/2010 05:53:00 AM

Showing you how happy I am, how good that life is for me, it shows you how much you look like a fool, making you detest me. Showing you how sad I am, how bad my situation is right now, how bad I tortured myself, it shows you how much I'm like a fool to you, making you getting disappointed of me.

Either way, it stills create a negative impact you have on me, tell me, what should I do? to get things better? and without having you treating me so coldly. at least I knew that there's still a solution.