Things have been seriously bad for me this time. Haven't been in touch with some friends recently. Not as frequent as before.
For those who know about this matter. Really thanks for the concern. So pathetic to know that I'm so useless. All the supports and courages you guys gave, all of them went down the drain.
Finally, I'm out of his life. Till now, I still cant accept the fact that he leaves me , so heartlessly this time. He's ahead of me this time. and no more he will be there by me. As a friend, he said he would. but never be anything else more than that.
I broke down, I even kneeled down on the floor. and every now and then I think of him, I still cry like a big baby.
For those that cant accept the fact of me being so emotional, then I advice you guys not to visit my blog anymore. This blog, it consists of 30 percent of happiness but 70percent of sadness and fear.
No one can replace him in my heart, never will there be, never. Even, maybe one day down the road, I will find a guy that treat me really well and love me wholeheartly but still, the fact is that he's not him.
It's less than a month, probably 3 weeks. Everything changed rapidly without slowing down the pace. Knowing that there's a girl in his mind right now, I dont know whether should I smile or cry.
I failed, everyone. I failed. To Kinleong, Revonda, Meldon, Siying, Chloe, Daryl, Peggy. I failed.
I hate the truth, that till an extend everyday I woke up, just like for this morning, I so wish that everything was just like a nightmare. Nothing really happen in real.
I looked into his eyes last night, I see his soul. But its not the same anymore, this time I cant see myself inside his eyes. No more. His eyes are so heartless and cold-blooded to me.
I've drawn a clear line with him now. Although my heart still have him around, perhap its time to bury him down in my heart. Secure it, and everytime when I miss him, I just flip through our memories. Maybe this will be a better way for us.
I wont be his friend, neither will I contact him nor know things about him. Because he have left our world, its time for me to abandon it too. To somewhere farther than this place.
Was thinking whether should I leave for US. To start everything all anew and refresh. Singapore, theres nothing for me to look forward anymore.
Saturday, July 17, 2010, 7/17/2010 03:14:00 PM