Anyway, let's talk about last night. Went out with Hao & Matt, and I've to admit that it's a really nice hangout. We had our dinner over at the food street in chinatown. Had a short stroll after that, and Shay came and meet me. We had some wrangles from the start and all the way to Ben&Jerry at dempsey, and come to think about it, we havent got together for even a month, there's quite alot of issues that keep on coming our ways. Whenever, I have a quarrel with him, my tears just can't control itself from rolling down. No one will know how my heart really feel, everytime i just feel like kneeling down on the floor, and give myself a big time, crying.
Seriously, I have no ability to take in control of this. My mind just so suck up, and I can go crazy anytime. I afraid one day, I will just, do stupid things to myself. I afraid I will turn into a monster or some insane scary people. Mental disorder.
God, can you make things better for us?
Intuition tells me that , me and Shay wouldnt last that long, a part of me couldnt face it, and choose to spend each and everyday like how it use to be. Another part of me been bothering me, asking me whether is he the right one. Do i go for feelings or future? When comes to love, i guess this is the tricky part. We didnt sort things out after the quarrels, we came to no solution. we are just merely trying to make things better, and talk each other minds out, but I knew that he couldnt accept the fact of his weak point. and that's another weakness of him. He can't face the truth well enough. I cant wait for things to turn out better for us, cause I'm really tired. :(
As usual we headed back to his house after B&J, accompanying him for a few hours, we doze off together and when i woke up, its already 4am. I rushed myself down and waited for a cab for like 30mins? but still there's none of it that can be seen. Wanted to dial for a cab, yet my phone is dead. It's really so unlucky of me. Out of nowhere, there's this red car that stopped by and asked if I wanted to hitch a ride. I knew that its dangerous for me, but I'm so scared to wait over there, when there's not a single car passing by and the wind is sooo cold. It's freakily bone chilling.
I'm so alert throughout the ride despite I'm so mentally worn out, hoping that I can reach my doorstep as soon as possible safe. Thanks goodness that I reached home safetly. Thanks to J for giving me a ride. I'm not sure whether are you harmless or not. But still, I need to thank you for that.
Monday, July 12, 2010, 7/12/2010 02:09:00 PM