Is it something call Love sick? S told me so, that we both are having this kind of feeling towards each other now. We miss each other too much?
At times, I hate the way how he treated me, I felt so neglected and unwanted. Sometime I dislike him for some reasons. But afterall, the composition of love is more than anything else.
So i believe, love can win everything. Even a soul of a dying man will thought of the person he love before he leave.
I know that you guys, maybe even strangers or passer-bys are gonna to call me dumb, stupid or whatever. Maybe some of you may even get work up or extremely disappointed in me. But seriously, I think a part of me love him more than detesting him. At the end of the day, everything stays unchange, especially my feeling towards him. Unexpectedly, It dint go any lesser.
Although I have the time to enjoy my life right now, for this 2 weeks, but my heart somehow feel sour and bitter. All i can see is his picture, all I can hear is his voice ,only.
No one will know how much I yearn to touch his face, lightly. It's so contradicting, even I felt being blinded by all these. I should think for my interest though. I should be self-centered, self- love. Why it became so confusing? I'm confusingly misleaded by love, this way. I uses my heart too much, till the extend I cant think but only feel.
After that incident happened, I thought that I will get dishearten by it , but I dint realise, I get to miss him more and more each day passes, and I hate to face the truth is that I have already forgave him way back ago.
I'm just another dumbass. Or should I call myself a love worm? Blinded by love, even his flaws i can take it as a nothing in my heart.
Any words that you guys can think of, to describe me. Just scold me.
Will things turn out better for us? Some friends of mine foresees the days that will be coming for us. They told me, it wouldnt be a smooth one though, it will be a path full of rocks. I wont deny that I have already fell into the trap, so when people come telling me how bad is he, how far I should actually get away from him, a part of me just stays with him and i dint realise that every words or sentences my friend or colleague is trying to convey to me, how bad they think this guy is, eventually i will protect him, speak up for him and covers for him. Because he's my boyfriend, someone that I want to put all my efforts and love into.
Maybe I should be a better and more understanding girlfriend too. Maybe I should try to take thing even easier and observe his mood closer. try to go with his ways of doing, listen to him or whatsoever.
Shouldnt it be in this way? Some of you may feel bad and unfair for me, but relationship is all about giving in, balancing it . And all because of one thing call love, I decided to give him another chance, perhaps its better this way and much more fairer for both of us.
Everyone deserve chances, perhap I'm overly soft hearted, well or maybe because I dont wish to decide anymore. I just want to continue and stop looking back, or maybe tired and afraid to choose another way out. Currently, its my heart that leads me to nowhere, but him.
He may not be the best guy I ever met, defintely not that kind of understanding type of bf I should be with, but how funny that I love him and care for him alot too.
You knew that he can be ridiculous, or over senstive at times, well and he's counted as a bad guy type, yet you fell for him.
A side of me being an angel, another side of me being a devil.
I wonder do i have some split image personality or something? or I'm just too confused over love. Sometime love make a normal girl look like she's insane and overly emotional due to her behaviour and soul. No ability of controlling herself anymore, all she want is the guy she love. No words and advices from others that she can absorb, not a single one. All she can think about is his presence.
Most of the time, I just wish that someone will save me out, stop me from dashing the road or refrain me from getting over the borderlines. On the other hand, I knew that person is always been you. deep in my heart, there's a part for you , always belongs. but I dont know how far can it go anymore, how much can it withstand further. Right now, all i know is that , I can't completely let you go.
I'm trying so hard to move on, pretending like nothing happen, everything is the same. Being like a girl that can put things down easily. but I failed badly. There's like a force pulling me back to where we used to be in each other heart. How I wish, time rewinds back to few months ago, so I wouldnt make this decision again. I'm suffering and living at the same time. I told myself is painful, yet my heart just got itself stabbed happily and willingly. Forgetting about the cries, the pain and how much tears that had rolled down my cheek, I still smile.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010, 6/30/2010 12:23:00 PM